Feeble Musings of a Witless Mind

Comedy, humour and wit. I hope


with 2 comments


Hey Dave. Do you know you’ve got a crab in your toilet?

Sure. That’s Cedric.

What’s a crab called Cedric doing in your toilet? 

Just keeping guard. For – you know.

Not really. What’s he keeping guard for? 

Well. You hear about these mutant animals living in the sewers and I wanted some protection.

What mutant animals?

Well. Like turtles and things. There was some documentary on it.

Did these turtles do ninja mate? 

Er. Yeah. Now you come to mention it they did. There was a rat too.

That was a film you idiot. 

No. you’re wrong. It was Panorama or Watchdog or something.

It was most definitely a film .

Nope. Documentary. 

You need to see somebody mate.

I do. I’m not quite sure what to feed him you see.

Look. If he stays in there much longer he is going to die. Does it really matter what you feed him.

Of course it does. He likes it in there. He’s been there for a week now. He isn’t going to die.

So what about when you need to go? 

Go where? 

To the toilet!

Oh. I don’t like to bother him. I use the sink.

That’s sick. Even as like a sit down toilet? 

Oh no. I drive to McDonalds for that. 

Every single time? 

Well yeah. It’s got be done.

How long are you planning to keep him?

Well. I am getting a bit concerned he may be getting bored, so I thought I might get another one.

What do you mean another one. 

Well. I’ll get another crab and they can take it in turns. 12 hour shifts. When they aren’t working they can go into the bath. I’ve put some sand and rocks in there.

Mate. I think I ought to call the doctors. 

Why? Are you feeling ill or something. 

Er. Yeah. Something like that. Why don’t you come and have a sit on the sofa and I’ll just get the doctor round.

Sure mate. Sure.


2 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. That crab is a fuking git.


    January 28, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: