Feeble Musings of a Witless Mind

Comedy, humour and wit. I hope

Archive for the ‘Talking Heads’ Category

Talking Pigeons

with 4 comments

Pigeon 1: ‘What on earth are they doing?’

Pigeon 2: ‘Who?’

Pigeon 1: ‘Those persons over there. It must be 30 degrees and they’re running about all over the place’

Pigeon 2: ‘Oh the big persons you mean’

Pigeon 1: ‘I just don’t get it. One of them is throwing an apple at those tree branches, and the other is trying to hit the apple with a big log. If it were me, I’d be sitting on the tree branches eating the apple’

Pigeon 2: ‘You’re always eating’

Pigeon 1: ‘What do you mean I’m always eating. You’re always eating too’

Pigeon 2: ‘Well I suppose we are pigeons. They’re playing a game’

Pigeon 1: ‘That’s not a game. Strategically crapping on their heads and seeing if they notice is a game. That’s just stupidity’

Pigeon 2: ‘Honestly, they play it for fun. They call it grasshopper or something’

Pigeon 1: ‘I’d love a grasshopper right now, that’d go down really well. I’m getting a bit bored of all this seed’

Pigeon 2: ‘Me too. Anything but more seed’

A BALL FLYS STRAIGHT PAST THEM

Pigeon 1: ‘Are they trying to kill us! Is that part of their game?’

Pigeon 2: ‘I think it is. I had a great great uncle that died a month ago from one of those apples’

Pigeon 1: ‘Sorry to hear that mate’

Pigeon 2: ‘Don’t worry. He lived to good age – was getting on for four. He had 10,000 descendants by the time he went’

Pigeon 1: ‘Randy devil’

Pigeon 2: ‘It’s getting a bit dangerous here, we ought to make a move’

Pigeon 1: ‘Let’s go and swoop on a few of the people over there. Show them who’s boss’

Pigeon 2: ‘Good idea. I’m desperate for the toilet’

Talking Bins

with one comment

 

Black bin = general waste bin (plastic, etc.)
Green bin = green waste recyling bin (vegetable peelings, etc.)

 

Green bin: ‘I am getting sick of this now. They’re always feeding you. I get hardly anything’

Black bin: ‘What can I say mate. They just can’t resist me’

Green bin: ‘But you hardly like vegetables’

Black bin: ‘Well. You know what my appetite is like. I’ll never say no to a bit more’

Green bin: ‘All I ever get is grass cuttings. I hate grass cuttings, and I don’t even get any of them this time of year’

Black bin: ‘You’d be glad of grass if you were a cow’

Green bin: ‘Do I look like I have four stomachs?’

Black bin: ‘Cheer up mate’

Green bin: ‘Cheer up. CHEER UP! What have I got to be cheery about?’

Black bin: ‘Well it could be worse’

Green bin: ‘How could it be worse?’

Black bin: ‘Well – you heard about the green guy down the road who got burnt out on Wednesday night’

Green bin: ‘That was truly awful. I heard they had to put him out of his misery’

Black bin. ‘Yeah, there was no saving him after that, but you haven’t heard the worst of it. His owner cut him up into tiny pieces, and fed him to their black bin’

Green bin: ‘They forced the black bin to eat his best mate. Disgusting. Where’s the humanity’

Black bin: ‘He’s struggling to cope with it. He’s become hollow inside’

Green bin: ‘So he’s been emptied now then?’

Black bin: ‘I meant figuratively speaking. You know that we’re not getting emptied until Tuesday’